Are We Good Listeners?

Listening, really listening, to others is a skill that is essential in all our relationships. The main emphasis throughout Scripture is on listening to God. That, of course, is a priority for Christians. That happens when we read/study the Bible, listen to good Bible teaching, and discuss the same with others. And it happens when we listen to Jesus: “This is my beloved Son. Listen to him.” (Mark 9:7). But everyday listening to each other and to others we meet is also essential in building strong relationships: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19).

I can listen carefully to anyone who is saying something I am interested in. But to foster relationship I must be interested in the person I am listening to, whoever they are, even if we don’t have much in common. That is loving your neighbor as yourself. We all want to be listened to. Being genuinely interested in every person I talk to is a loving choice I can make. And it makes a big difference in what I learn.

I read on the internet recently (so it must be true!) that the way to successfully carry on a conversation with virtually anyone is to ask questions about them, their family, their background, their hobbies, etc. That is how I can get to know them. If I am doing more talking than the other person, I need to ask more questions. If I want them to know that I value them, that I am interested in them, that God is interested in them, I need to do most of the listening.

We are a small congregation but our strength lies in God, not in numbers. Getting to know others, really listening to others, is the way all churches sustainably grow. Only then can we authentically share Jesus with them. It will take intention and the power of God to help us out of our comfort zones, so we can find ways to meet others to listen to, and it will be difficult, but it can be done. The apostle Paul summed up our task succinctly in Galatians 5:14: “The entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

—Dennis Lacoss